What I Want to Apply

Wow! What a weekend! Wade and I so enjoyed the Weekend to Remember here in Little Rock! We had been as engaged couples, but just as I thought, it means SO much more to go when you are married. We both found ourselves wishing we had gone back around year 5-7 when our marriage was really suffering. God is sovereign and still did a mighty work in our marriage to keep us together without the conference, but it would have been very beneficial. It IS very beneficial if you are willing to hear and listen with the Holy Spirit's help, then apply what you have learned. Wade and I went eager to listen and apply. We highlighted many things in our notebooks and talked about many things that we want to do to make this good marriage move to the "best" level. I can't thank my in-laws enough for sending us.

Here are a few things that I highlighted that stood out to me or that I want to implement. I know that you won't be able to get the full understanding of them because you didn't hear the talk or read the Scriptures, but I will know. Some of the short, little quips made the whole concept easier to remember, as well.

First of all, there are a total of 10 times that we met to listen to a speaker. One time the men and women split to hear about their individual role as wife/mother and husband/father. All of the sessions center around 4 core biblical messages: my personal walk with God, my marriage covenant, my role in the family, and my spiritual legacy.

There are a total of 3 projects that you are to do together. You start out individually answering questions and sharing your heart to the Lord, then you come together and share your thoughts, feelings, etc. You end by praying together which is a sweet time usually of thanksgiving to God and confession on our part. At least that is what ours looked like. I strongly encourage you to do every single project! It was so meaningful for us to look at each other and say the things that matter most, whether we were confessing our own sinfulness and weaknesses or expressing our love and appreciate for each other. We even were able to write a love letter to each other and then share it with each other. We chose to read it out loud to each other. What a neat thing!

Okay, back to what stood out to me either because I am really weak in these areas or the way it was put this weekend really stood out to me OR I had never heard that!

1. Adam didn't know Eve at all when God brought her to him, but Adam knew God.
Receiving my spouse is all about my perspective on God, not my perspective
of my spouse.

2. As I looked at the fruit of the Spirit, I long to be more gentle with Wade.
(pick one.....only one.....for God to help you have more with your spouse).

3. Anger is a natural, God-given emotion (at it's core emotion). It is what
we do with it that becomes sin. Anger is a "warning light" on the dashboard
of life. It doesn't clearly tell us what is wrong, but we have to find out
what is wrong. Seek God's help on finding out!

4. Before confronting, examine the offense. Does it require confrontation? Did
I contribute to the conflict? What is my heart? Ask the Holy Spirit. Then
make sure grace shows up first when going to confront.

5. In conflict, give them something they are not expecting OR don't give them
something they are expecting. Love like they would never expect! Isn't that
what Jesus did?

6. As a mom of teenagers who's emotions are up and down, I can either ride the
roller coaster of emotion with them OR I can choose to stay grounded as they
ride.

7. Also as a mom, when it comes to character, test it with questions regarding
motivation. Two kids may do the same good deed but with a much different
heart motivation. That heart motivation is character.

8. Don't just give flowers to dead people! Love extravagantly!

9. Conferences will not change your life. Jesus Christ will change your life.

10. Your yesterdays don't determine your tomorrows. Don't give up your future
because you live in the past. With God all things are possible!

11. A godly legacy requires more than an inward focus. It requires thinking
outwardly as well.

12. The choices we make will go on to make us. Do I want what I have learned to
end with us? Or do I want to pass it on?

13. We all leave a legacy. The question is: what kind am I leaving?

14. Persist through the discouragement caused by lack of immediate results.
The process of failing and getting back up; failing and persisting is called
LEARNING.

15. People are one of two kinds of communicators: cognitive or emotional.
Usually opposites attract in a marriage. When communicating, RESPOND TO
EMOTION WITH EMOTION (empathy) AND FACT WITH FACT. As parents, we both
become cognitive and should learn to respond to their emotion with emotion
(empathy) so that they know that we understand and care. Then, after we
have empathized, we can teach and train.

There are several things Wade and I want to change and do better as a family, too. But I will have to tell you.......I really didn't want to talk about parenting this weekend. Parenting is all consuming sometimes and I just wanted to talk about my marriage. I just wanted to talk about the two of us because we never get to do that. I hope and pray that we can commit to going back to this conference every 3-5 years just for a "tune up." It is well worth the time spent together, talking through everyday issues. We have a strong marriage (only by God's grace in our lives), but like Wade said, there is ALWAYS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT in marriage. We were able to identify areas that we think are weak and make a plan for improvement. We want to continue to pursue excellence in this relationship. Our children will be gone one day and we want to still be the best of friends and still be honoring the Lord together. We also are giving them an example of what marriage looks like. Is it a good example or poor one?

Let me say this, too.......we had the best speakers! Ben and Janet Burns spoke to us together on a few occasions. They were funny and gave great examples of how NOT to communicate. Ben was very transparent as he shared. You really got the idea that they did not have it all together, but were pursuing excellence in their marriage.

Greg Speck was the other speaker. (He and Ben shared the time). I remember him coming to my college (Bryan College) when I was attending and he was remarkable! He is a youth and family communicator, but Family Life asked him to be a speaker with them 11 years ago. He is so good! He is hilarious, yet is so good at getting the message across in ways that stupid sheep can get it! We thought he was so good, we called our kids on Friday night and said, "Get all of your homework done. We are all going to hear Greg Speck on Sunday night when he speaks to teens and their parents." So last night we took our whole family, plus a couple of our kids' friends. He was great! We laughed until our sides hurt, but we came home wanting to change some things we do as a family. We are going to talk about those things this week together as a family and begin implementing them. He has a website (gregspeck.com), is on facebook as well as myspace. Check him out!

If you have never been to a Family Life Weekend to Remember, I would highly recommend and encourage it. It was one of the best weekends we have had in a while together. Not only was the conference good, but we had a date night on Saturday night. We walked downtown, were able to stay in the Peabody downtown and then shared every meal together without hearing "Mom" or "Dad" which is so unusual! I love my kids, but Wade and I needed some time to just be together. We are trying to figure out a neat way to communicate "thanks" to my in-laws for making this happen for us.

If you are interested, just go to: www.familylife.com and see when there is a conference coming near you. And check out their resources while you are there. I won't tell you how many new books I bought while there! :)